Ed’s Boozeless Adventure

Ed: I did it I made my goal! A whole month without booze!

Mike: Whoo!  I gotta be honest, I didn’t think you‘d make it but I’m proud of you, you’re an inspiration!

Kevin:  A toast to Ed! 31 days!

M: Whoa, Kevin, we can’t have a toast. The guy just stopped drinking.

K: For a month. He’s done now. And besides–

E: Yeah. I’ve proven I can do it. So gimme that glass n down the hatch!

K: Hey hey hey there, you can’t just drink it! You have to be prepared.

E:  Huh? Why?

K: Why celebrate by doing what you’ve just spent a month not doing? Time for something new. This here glass holds a new experience.

E: H-how new?

K: Very. Mind blowing

E: Really mind blowing? Cause that word gets tossed around a lot these days. “Oh man, you gotta see this movie, listen to this song, sleep with this chick, it’s mind blowing.” Often, I am disappointed.

K: …Mind… Blowing.

E: Huh. Um. I don’t know if I can handle Mind… Blowing.

M: I brought some peyote! You wanna do that instead?

E: Yeah. That sounds good! I’ve never done that before

K: No, you don’t want that. I know what you want and you want this.

E: What is it.

K: Finally you ask! This will change everything. It only lasts about an hour, but that should be long enough. In this glass is a potion. It will turn you into a woman!

E: Aaugh! Why do I want that!

M: Dude. You can play with youself! Dude!

K:  Not quite what I had in mind, but yeah.

E:  What did you have in mind? Finding my feminine side? Empathizing with chicks? Finally understanding them?

K: Those are all noble, but I was thinking…you know we’re all really good friends, right?

E:  R-right.

K: Like, really good friends. We’d do anything for each other. Like Mike almost gave me a kidney.

M:  You bastard. I got tested and everything. I even took a week off of work, checked into the hospital, prepped for surgery…

E: That joke got hilariously out of hand! Kevin didn’t need it at all! He was just testing you and you fell for it! I love that story! Mike and Kevin sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S—

K:  Speaking of kissing… wouldn’t it be fun for you to know what it feels like from the other side?

E:  I think kissing feels the about the same on both sides.

K: Not kissing, you asshole. Fucking.  [pause] don’t you want to know what it feels like for the girl?

M:  Whoa.

E:  Are you saying you want to fuck me?!

[silence.  then…]

M:  I think you’d make a hot chick.

E:  You too Mike?

K:  I’m okay with a three way.

E:  Guys! I’m not fucking you! Not as a woman. Not ever!

K:  What about the potion, though? You could still be a girl for an hour. You could still play with yourself.

E:  You’re gonna watch, aren’t you?

M: Ooh! Can we? That’d be hot!

E:  I DO need to celebrate a month of sobriety…but what if I don’t have big boobs?

M:  I’ve seen your sister, Ed. You’ll have big boobs.

E:  Ew, you’ve been checking out my sister? You’re not wrong, though. Okay. Here goes…uh, do I need ice in this or something?

K: If you want, but not really. C’mon, drink it!

E:  Right. Okay. [gulp]

M:  Well?

K: Give it a chance

E:  I feel it working! I feel, I feel…Justin Timberlake is really talented!  I need more than one pair of black shoes and I understand why! I like tea!

M: Whoa! It works fast! Look at his boobs growing

K:  No, they’ve always been that size—oh! There they go!

E:  We need curtains in here! And let’s coordinate the colors this time!

M: Ed’s hair is so lustrous! And long!

K:  Bye bye five o’clock shadow!

E: All men are scumbags! Oh, how well I know that to be true! Auggh! I hate myself as a man! I never want to be a man again! I am now Emily! And I hate men! I am A LESBIAN!

M and K:  AAaaugh!

K:  No!

M:  [pause] Can we watch?

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About franny666

I'm a virtual spelunker into the darkest caverns of Hell and Imagination. Also, I like donuts
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