Hi. My name is Shelly and …I’m an addict. It started last Octobe—no, I guess it started when I quit. No. It really started when I was 9. I started smoking. I saw one of the older kids, Adam? He was a couple grades older and always wore a jean jacket with little pins on it, like Fraggle Rock and Madness. Anyway, he and a bunch of his friends were puffing and chewing on cigarettes, the candy kind? It was cold, so they were making their breath look like smoke. They looked so cool. They way they held the candy between their fingers, the way their lips puckered as they sucked the sugar. So I went to the convenience store by our neighborhood. Did you know those candy cigarettes are kinda hard to find? I wasn’t about to ask Adam; I was just some twerp. So the store didn’t have the candy cigarettes, but they had real ones. So I got some. Real cigarettes. So anyway, I smoked for 24 years. I finally quit a couple years ago after my 14th try. But it left a hole, y’know? I’ve tried to fill it, find thrills. I drive recklessly. I tail people and slam on the brakes when they don’t floor it to go thru the yellow light, then I cuss ‘em out. I order crazy things off the menu. I went to the Asian store and got boiled silkworm larvae! Anyway, the hole was still there. Then October rolled around. The stores were filling up with holiday stuff, right on time. The fast food places were, too. I remember my first one. The line was long, I was just staring at the menu, I already knew what I wanted, when I saw the most beautiful picture of the yummiest concoction! I told the girl, “One eggnog shake please.” I just now realized I forgot to order my lunch that day. I took that cup, I sipped, I slurped, I fought thru the headache and stopped only to breathe!…Yes! This is my addiction! I am addicted to Jack in the Box Eggnog Shakes! It may not be as glamorous as your cocaine addiction, sir! Or your sex addiction, ma’am! But when I find myself at Jack in the Box drive-thru at 11pm ordering my 5th shake of the day, what else would I call it? I’ve tried resisting! I can go 40 minutes before I start salivating. I get all squirmy. I get itchy, man! I try drinking water, drinking milk, but before I know it, I’m back there ordering another. And I’m not the only one. I see other people there, too. We don’t look at each other, tho. It’s like looking in a drooling, sweaty, shaky mirror. What am I supposed to do! Tell me! How do I get this sweet, spicy, cold monkey off my back, huh? What? January?…Seasonal! Fuuuck!
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Odious Coif by Ingrid Holst is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.